There's been a lot going on in my life as of late, and it's been making me feel like I've been spinning out; ungrounded. But exactly 11 days ago a major change in my life took place—I moved back to my former hometown (or at least it's general area) and I finally feel settled and relaxed and like everything that I've been struggling with has finally settled down which has allowed me to do a lot of reflecting and soul searching and now a new major change will finally be taking place—
To understand, let me take you back several years ago. I don't know if I ever mentioned this—I do my best to keep my spiritual life outside of this blog as I've never wanted to bring religion into it—but I think it'll help you, my lovely wonderful readers, understand where I'm coming from:
Back in July of 2016, I got baptized and, without going into too much elongated detail here, let's just say it helped put so much into perspective to the point where in 2018, on the anniversary of my baptism, I got ordained as a minister and started my own fellowship/religion which I baptized myself into; part of that ceremony involved choosing a symbolic/spiritual name to call myself.
Leading up to that point, I started trying to find my new name; that's the real reason I began to take all of you on that journey with me as I worked to find that name for myself. As you all know I landed on Sabrina. However, what I don't think I ever said was that in that process—because, again, I really wanted to keep the religious details and reasons out of this blog—is that I began combing through family journals, documents, etc. to understand myself better and discovered in the process that my parents actually initially planned on naming me Dylan before I was born because they thought I was going to be a boy 😂 However, the second I was born and they realized I was girl, they rethought their decision over the course of a few hours, heteronormatively thinking that Dylan was strictly a boy's name. Never mind that I've actually met a few girls named Dylan in my life time, and that one of my favorite characters on the TV show Desperate Housewives was a girl named Dylan! When I told them in the aftermath of making this discovery that I wished they would've stuck with it, they admitted they've always lowkey regretted not keeping Dylan because it's one of their favorite names.
That's how I settled on the name, Dylan Sabrina. Though I favored the second part far more heavily (as we all know) and I started using it in my everyday life, but that is NOT what a symbolic name is for!
Flashforward to the last few years and this is where the big change is coming in: It's no secret I've never felt quite at home with my legal [first] name, and while I chose the name Sabrina very carefully for myself through a long journey y'all have taken with me through the duration of this blog, it's not the name I'm going to stick with. At least, not legally. Obviously it's still a name that holds a lot of significance for me, therefore I'm not doing away with it entirely, but "Sabrina" has been such a personal choice for me and one I want to solely use for my spiritual practices. But Dylan...that's a name that's not just a personal choice but a family choice, which is why I want to rely on it for my every day life; it just feels so right.
I know I was originally asked if I was going to legally change my name to "Sabrina" when I started settling on my name(s) and I said in a previous post some time ago that I probably wouldn't ever go that route because it seemed like work. (I think though too, if I'm being really honest, it was that I knew deep down I shouldn't and that I should rely on Dylan instead.) But while I do want to keep Sabrina as part of my name—it is part of my baptism name, after all—it's going to stay my symbolic name per my religion. But, it's recently hit me that I should in fact legally change it to Dylan and so I'm actively looking into doing so. Moreover, I'm going to start using "Dylan" from here on in.
Ever since I began really reflecting on all this...I'm really starting to change my tune with all that so yeah, honestly, I probably will legally change my name eventually even though I know it's kind of a pain. Although I've been learning through my own research that it's actually much easier now than most people originally gave it credit.
That said, I'm now going through all my blogs and updating each site with this news. I'm not going all the way back and redoing all the times I've used my previous pen name because now that's work. Although I have updated certain posts and other links and will continue to do so if I feel it's pertinent. That said, for the most part I've been leaving everything else as it as it just seems unnecessary when authors can attach multiple pen names to themselves and they're all legit. But I am going to start doing away with my original pen name—Sabrina S.K. Regan—from here on it. As much as I love it...like I said, the name "Sabrina" is going to be used in my fellowship and my spiritual work. It's also just not entirely me. It never really has been. Again, it's part of my spirituality but not my casual daily life. That said, I definitely wanted to embrace it to the best of my ability, I just...it never really felt like I was doing it justice and now I know why. But now...now I've finally found my new identity and it really does feel like home.
Here's to the new [semi-official] me 🤗
~Dylan K. Regan~
