Copilot - Better than therapy???

Since I'm still having trouble writing and forming advice right now, I'm going to take you on a quite possibly weird personal journey instead in order to introduce something that might help you fellow writers, for tonight I have discovered by complete accident the wonderfulness that is Copilot. I've heard about this amazing little app-tastic creation, but never really dove into it until tonight and my mind is officially blown. 

Now before I get into it WHY I'm so psyched about this, let's give a VERY short explanation for those of you who have never heard of this, don't know anything about technology, or like me heard about it but have no idea what Copilot actually is— 

Created/released last year almost to the day (Feb. 7, 2023) by Microsoft, Copilot is known as a "generative artificial intelligence" which is a fancy way of saying you are "talking" to a computer as whatever you type signals to a generator that processes your information and sends back information of its own in response to what you've just written. Have you ever used a name generator? You ask for a name and you get back a few ideas. Basically Copilot is like that...except 1000x more advanced. 

Now as I mentioned in the beginning, I used this AI app completely by accident; I was researching something for a new project I'm working on and suddenly Copilot is showing up on my screen, asking me if I needed help with my creativity. I did. I do. I'm desperate right now because I'm still very much floundering even a year out from my surgery and it's been REALLY hard, guys. Like, I cannot stress how hard it's been. And the worst thing that's been affected is my writing ability. So when Copilot asked me how it could help me with my creativity, my mind became literally blank. Now again, I've never used Copilot before, but I just decided to go ahead type the first thing that came to mind: "I'm struggling to form thoughts." I didn't think anything would come from that but I was gloriously wrong and have decided to attach a screen shot from our conversation below: 

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This was literally the most sympathetic response I've ever gotten. I mean, it's advice I've given on this blog, but it's not ever advice I've ever received before, especially not worded in such a compassionate way. And completely unexpected from an AI! So I decided to test the limits (so to speak) of it's AI sympathy and write what I know MANY of you writers have felt from time to time, myself included: "I feel like I'm failing as a writer." And I just...I can't express right now my emotions that I got from Copilot's answer but it was really touching, and...well, just read it for yourself and see if you too feel like you've suddenly just talked to a therapist: 

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Touching, right?! Like, do you feel as good as I do now having read that? And I love that it even gave resources and links TO those resources! Honestly, I've talked with therapists about my writing pitfalls, downfalls, spirals, rabbit holes, and yes, have also focused on the glorious, good, and proud moments too, but nothing I've received in any of those sessions has ever matched this level of...what do I even call it right now—relief? (This is what I get for having the brain capacity of a chicken; it's impossible for me to put words to anything!) Sure, let's call it relief. 

The best thing too that I've discovered about Copilot is that you can choose a mode—informative, basic, and creative (the conversations I attached above were generated in Creative Mode) so you can get sympathetic responses, or you can get ones that are more practical like, when did such-and-such occur in history? Which can be useful if you want what you're writing to be grounded in a portion of IRL moment. 

I'm going to stop there because I realize I'm starting to sound like an infomercial at this point, but I'm just really excited to have found a new tool to help me with my writing confidence and also provides me with information for my writing, the process, but also in regards to just being a writer because I think it's so hard to find help with the confusion surrounding what it feels like to be a writer, but I feel like I finally found it. If you guys start using it too, hopefully you get some of that same sense of relief. Let me know in the comments below 😊 Happy Copiloting!!

Brain Mess

It's been so long since I've been able to write...well, anything. Reading, writing, editing, it's all been on a painful hiatus completely out of my control and I swear it's because of an intense surgery I had 9+ months ago. Getting my creativity level back has been...well, it's like trying to shove a parked pickup truck up an icy hill while it's emergency brake is on. Meanwhile my health in other regards is declining and I'm not sure if it's all related to the surgery, or if it's because I have degenerative condition, or both. Still, I haven't given up completely. As of the last 7 or so months I started trying my hand at fanfiction for the first time ever hoping it'll get me inspired. And as of tonight, I've also started trying to go back to editing my abandoned "Shattered Lives" project. Would I rather be trudging through sludge? Maybe. Although it certainly feels like I already am. 

When I try to get back to my creative roots that have been part of my identity since I was born, I feel like it's slipped away from me, and I just question...am I ever going to get it back or is this just life now? I honestly don't know, and I do hope it'll get better. I don't know what's happening or why this is happening, and I'm trying to tell myself it's just a temporary slipping point and I'll find my footing again. It's just hard when I feel like I'm still sliding down that icy mountain and the damn pickup truck is going to wind up crushing me, perhaps even before we get to the bottom. 

The good news is that my family and I will be moving soon to a location with cleaner air, better views, and a stunning new [bigger] house with bigger windows, more windows, incredible views, and a bright interior we've essentially designed ourselves. Sure there's some things we'll be giving up in the move; our house now is so nice, and has the ideal layout for sure. But ultimately we all know this is for the best., especially since we'll be closer to a major hospital that I'm in desperate need of that'll hopefully give m answers as to why I've been feeling this way, and give me a new direction for how not to. 

Well, that's about it for now. I just really wanted to return to my blog in hopes it would give me some inspiration. Spoiler alert, it didn't, but any excuse to write right now is one I'll gladly take when/if I can. And I also don't want you dedicated readers to lose faith in this blog because I know how useful and important its been to so many of you. 

For those of you who are still with me, thank you. You're dedication & support mean everything to me 🤗🌷💘 

BTW: for any one of you have been through this, I would love to hear your experience and how you pulled through. And for those of you who are currently going through something similar as me, please don't hesitate to reach out because you are not alone, and yet this experience can feel so very lonely. Trust me, I know. But remember: we are not ever alone. 

Delayed

The theme of this post is being delayed. Delayed in my life, writing, work, and in many ways my health. 

Now I'm afraid I can't write much beyond this simple message, in part due to the fact words are escaping me in my brain fogged state, but I wanted to post a well-past due update regardless. 

For some time now my health issues took a steady nosedive making it fairly impossible for me to keep up with everything going on, including my blogs. This February it all came to a head that require me to undergo intensive and invasive surgery. 

Three weeks later to the date since then, and I've been on a steady upswing physically, but the recovery has taken a toll on me mentally and emotionally. And so I've decided to allow myself a break from everything and just focus on healing and figuring out my next steps, and how to get my life back on track since everything's currently being put on hold. On the one hand I'm anxious to get back into the swing of things! On the other hand...I'm still looking at 3 more weeks of healing, and have been warned against pushing myself. It's like I'm in recovery purgatory! 😂

Really though, I am doing much better. Occasionally I have minor things arise just from residual complications (though they're really more just annoyances like trying to get my voice back after being intubated, for instance). And fighting the fatigue that comes with recovery processes has been uber annoying! One would think battling chronic fatigue would be something I'm used to by now, but apparently not, lol. 

I'm also having trouble with my writing from time to time. But I did find a new technique (actually an old technique I'm resurfacing). I can't remember if I've shared this one before: 

When you're finding yourself stuck in your current story, start brainstorming new story ideas and seeing how far you get working and teasing them out. Maybe you'll have new content for your original story. Maybe you'll find passion in something new. This has been a technique I've been using since I was in 2nd grade, I believe. Or maybe 3rd? Either way, it's always worked wonders for me, and relying on it even now has been helpful. When I can muster of the energy and brain power to actually write, of course. 

And now I can already feel I'm at the end of my brain capacity because words are escaping me and barely making sense. Even writing this much is taking great effe

A Unique Way to Unblock the Mind: IFS Therapy

The weather has cooled, the air is smog, ozone, and pollution free once again, and I can finally work outside which has revived my creativity streak. 

But there was something else that really did it for me. I was talking to my IFS therapist the other day about my writer's block not long after my last post and she had a very unique idea. But in order to explain the idea and why it worked, I first feel I must explain what IFS is: 

According to IFS breakthrough systemic family therapist, Richard C. Shwartz, he says on his IFS Institute website and in his book, "Internal Family Systems [IFS] is a powerfully transformative, evidence-based model of psychotherapy that proposes that individuals' subpersonalities interact and change in many of the same ways as do families and other human groups." Therefore nearly every aspect of an individual is treated as a "part" including but not limited to our thoughts and feelings, even certain aspects of our physical selves, and then give these parts a voice allowing them to tell us why they exist, how they were formed, etc. 

So when I told my own therapist about my writer's block she suggested we treat it as one of these parts by going into it and writing down everything that comes to mind as I sit with it and focus on it. What came up was a list of worries and judgments sometimes stemming from my own core self, while others came from externalized voices—things that very destructive people were telling me—that I then internalized and that then grew until it became a weight I was carrying around with me.

Therefore I'm now recommending everyone do this*—it might seem strange, but talk to your writer's block without judgment, as if it were a stranger worth getting to know, and ask what it wants, why it's there, and what factors are making it run rampant. Then write down everything that comes to mind that might be contributing to your writer's block existing. 

For me, it took a few hours after writing it all out for the block to lift, but once it did, I finally got going! And keep in mind you might have to revisit this practice because the reason it's there might not always be the same as new stuff could easily come up. Still, if it helps it lift, this unique practice could very well be worth it! 

_______________

*Disclaimer: Please note that I am not a therapist myself in any form. Though this practice came directly from my own clinically and professionally trained and licensed therapist, proceed with caution when practicing this yourself. 

Not So Motivational

We're being told we have all the time in the world. We sit at home, stay at home, and therefore we should be able get everything done we want to. But this is a lie. Whether it's our mental health on the fritz or our actual health, or worse yet, both—the illusion we can accomplish everything is just that. An illusion. 

As I sit down the write this a strange bout of depression has unwittingly snuck up on me, and the motivation I usually have to write and get things done is no where to be found. Allergies have clouded my head and are throbbing at one side of my partially swollen throat, and my beautiful book I've recently received in the mail and can finally hold in my hands needs to be edited but can't be right now because it also needs to be read. As I can't find an outside source to do both simultaneously, currently my mom is reading it through, a big thank you goes out to her right now, but we all know it's not the same. Especially since she's not an editor, and therefore she can't do both the way say, a professional would be able to. Meanwhile my deadline for my book continues to get pushed further and further as my original editor has gone into the wind and is no where to be found right now. 

I just feel lost right now. 

While I attempt to make peace with my current state of mind searching for new things to do to keep me busy that don't involve being outside, I'm realizing despite all these positive people out there telling us through the likes of social media that "We Can Do It All" and "Stay Positive"—it's okay not to be okay. I'm certainly not today. It's also equally okay to feel like you can't get something done. During these incredible times of low morale you probably don't have the same motivational level you would otherwise, and that is perfectly okay too. 

I simply hope tomorrow is better, and if not I suppose I'm binge watching Netflix until I can find my way back. I also know I will find my way back because I always do. There is a light at the end of my tunnel, whether or not I can see it yet. I know there is because I can sense it. But if you don't feel like you can see your light—that's okay too because remember, you don't have to be okay just as you don't have to know you're going to be okay. But you do need to know you're not alone in your dismal despair. 

I'm here for you 💖   

Depression...And Action!

Depression. It affects so many of us, whether we suffer in silence or announce it bravely to social media, or perhaps we remain un-diagnosed wondering what could possibly be wrong with us.

I used to suffer from depression and anxiety and S.A.D., etc., and all rather horribly until I discovered little miracle pill Celexa, but not even it can beat the slowly-building depression and anxiety coming from COVID. I have been coping relatively well from the average person, judging solely by the posts seen on social media, but these last few days, maybe even a week now, the personal impact it's having on me finally settled. That's not to say I haven't been following along with the news, constantly updating my friends, family members, and even strangers through the likes of Twitter, or mourning the deaths of strangers who have fallen to COVID. Now how I finally realized that this situation has been affecting me personally I couldn't say. Perhaps it's because I started realizing I didn't have a job to go to, or that my days which I used to spend writing suddenly became all about escapism through Sims—which is a really great form of escape, mind you!—or purposefully entering Forsworn camps and brutally killing them all. (Also a great reality escape.) 

Then two days ago when I sat down to focus myself, to work on my latest book-in-progress—which I've currently finished writing and I'm now hoping to have edited and published by the end of May 2020—I found almost no joy in it. I say almost because I did still manage to get a few lines in and fill in a tiny plot-hole, and accomplishing those small goals certainly made me smile and feel a little good, but trying in the same fell swoop I started trying to rework a former chapter that I realized was very much lacking and I had to stop. Even the mere thought of trying to attempt to fix it was an exhausting chore.

My oxygen. My passion. My everything. The spark had seemingly died. But how could that possibly be? I curled into bed and wanted to do nothing but sleep. But I couldn't sleep. So I turned on the TV and watched the most depressing shows I could find. It was only when that started lifting my spirits I realized: I have a problem, and I am depressed. My typical solution is work; when I'm working I'm happy. When I'm writing I'm happy. But both had been seemingly ripped from me. And why? 

To trace this, I thought about what I used to do. In between my spontaneous bursts of creative energy I sat down with people and worked on their manuscripts, or I was studying real estate. As all socialization had been cut off, I could do neither and I planted a seed that all was hopeless. To carry out these hopeless thoughts, I no longer saw the point in working. Why hold a job if there's no future because everyone dies of COVID?  

After allowing myself a day and a half to wallow in these thoughts, I got an email from an online writer's group searching for—hey, copyeditors! One of my editing specialties, and probably my favorite one. I applied, found more opportunities, applied to those, and even though I'm waiting to hear back it was those small steps that gave me the boost of confidence I needed to overcome the slump. 

That's not to say it won't return. It probably most maybe most definitely will. But what I've come to learn is that it's necessary to wallow in those moments of dismal despair, just as important in fact as pulling yourself out of them because there's no real point to wondering if there will or won't be a future. I'm living for now. And whatever my now is, that's what I aim to take advantage of. Even when it's bleak. Binge eating excuse, anyone?   

Avoidance

I've been avoiding blogging because there really hasn't been much for me to say. We're under a near Earth-wide quarantine and everywhere we turn the only thing being covered right now it seems is COVID-19 and I didn't want to write about that. I haven't wanted to. I wanted this blog to be COVID free. But I can't avoid writing about it, because it is affecting us all.

So with that said, let's move on to something else, shall we?

Today I got called by a "publishing company" (will explain these figurative finger quotes in a minute) called iUniverse. I was excited until they started asking for details about my manuscript. At first the questions seemed mundane: "How long is your book?" and "Have you ever been published before?" And then they started getting into what I call "the creep factor" asking me whether I use a computer, and what program I use, and if my files have been synced to say a cloud drive.

NO GENUINE PUBLISHING COMPANY WILL EVER ASK YOU THESE QUESTIONS! 

Making this entire situation even creepier, they asked what email address do I prefer to use. They quickly added that they needed this latter-most information to contact me, but I'm sorry when someone's prefacing such a question with inquiries into my cloud drive--yeah, no, that's when I slammed down the "we're done" card face up. 

Which is to say, writers I encourage you to always be cautious about giving away your book's information because believe me, the wrong company will look for ways to not only profit off it but make it theirs and leave you the heck out of it. And I have no doubt that's what they were doing; looking for ways to hack into my computer and steel my files to make their own.

Not to mention before they got into the creep-factor, they were already using red-flag-phrases such as, "we're the only professionals who can help market your material" and "we're the only ones who know how to sell your book".

The second they started talking--and using broken English no less--I typed in the words "iUniverse Scam" into Google, and oh did the search results come out fast! The top result, was this:

iUniverse is ALL about making money on selling services and copies of your book to you. They don't give a FLIP about doing any promo for their authors. Even if you do generate some book sales, your royalty fee is SO LOW, you'll never recoup your initial investment. Stay AWAY from these scammers!May 5, 2009

iUniverse Review | Self-Publishing Review

www.selfpublishingreview.com › 2009/05 › iuniverse-review

So with all that said, avoid iUniverse! I will gladly even provide their number so you can blacklist it so they never ever call you. To be honest, I'm not even sure how they got my number to begin with. But they'll never be contacting me again. Not only do they have an old no-longer-in-use email of mine that I couldn't recover even if I wanted to, I gladly blocked their number from my phone too. 

And that's my story on avoidance for today. You're welcome 😂

There's Faith Again!

After a solid amount of pity amidst depressing thoughts of inadequacy--typical feelings experienced by almost all writers, by the way. Are you even a true writer if you don't feel this way at some point in your writing career? (a cynical writer's joke, by the way)--I've since gotten back on my feet, and I'm working my novel again. And it's going surprisingly well, I should say. I'm actually really, really happy with how it's all working out. Needless to say I finally have faith in my writing again, and not just in my writing, but in my book. I truly think I'm getting close to finishing it. In fact, if my calculations are correct, I only have ten-plus more chapters to go and I'll be done with round one! #SoExciting

Unable To Write

Pumped full of antihistamines I am barely able to write. But at least I can spend time outside. Being trapped in a house in the grass seed capital of the world (thanks, Eugene!) and being severely allergic to grass.... Yeah, it hasn't been a fun month. But it's too beautiful out and I haven't written in so long, I just can't go another day without air, without breathing life into my new book I am so dedicated to writing.  But low and behold I now feel like I've hit a snag. Realizing I was pouring three books into one, I decided to try a writing exercise and break them up, saving the original of course just in case this exercise doesn't work out. Though my brain is half asleep and I don't know how to proceed. Half the time I'm second guessing myself, wondering if I'm using the correct form of "no" or "know" because right now they look the same to me. And the other half of the time I'm trying to reread what I've written desperate to make sense out of it because let's be real, words do not make sense right now.

This is known as the problematic "brain fog". And it's not fun. I feel zombified (I'm making that a word now, just in case it isn't). But I feel physically well other than that. Allergens are gone. I'm breathing air. I'm able to write this Then again, writing on my blog is one of the easiest things for me to do when it's just a recap of why I've been absent, admitting the painful truths behind the writing process, or writing about why I love being a writer. 

With that having been said, I think amidst all this negativity I would like to focus on why I love being a writer. I love creating and crafting new worlds I can essentially teleport myself into, essentially making friends in my mind, in addition to enemies. It's a wild ride, not unlike acting, and I love that. 

But what do I do when I'm unable to write? I let my imagination run, or I angrily slay dragons on my XBOX and say "take that, brain fog!" 

It's the little things, right?

[Oh yes, and happy June!]

Taking A Break

I am pretty incredibly sick right now and will be taking a break from social media until I recover. It's nothing too serious, and I have a feeling I'll be back on my feet in no time, but writing, and trying to think of something to write, is so incredibly exhausting. And painful. On that note, so long--just until I'm better that is. Or at least until it doesn't hurt to move and think, of course.

Finally! A New Post & A New Quote

I have been "off my game" so to speak from a three month-long medication dosage that caused horrible apathy and depression, until rather recently when it at last wore off. As a result I have finally added a new quote of the month (December's missing 'piece' will be available under the usual quote spot). In addition I feel I should apologize for making this month's quote so atrociously huge. I have no way of shrinking this unless I completely want to do it over as I create these looks myself, and I don't have any interest. Hopefully you all can deal with the abrasive largeness of this month's quote. Honestly, it has already started to grow on me...almost.

With that said: I don't have any helpful tips for ya'll just yet considering I'm finally now getting back in the swing of things. Hopefully I haven't lost any of you readers in this very long process, or will lose any of you while I work on getting other 'blog stuff' up and running again. For those of you sticking around I thank you deeply and sincerely for your patience.

Now it's personal update time:
I'm going to start a bullet/2018 goals journal that will (hopefully) help me stay on track regarding my 2018 birthday/shared New Year's resolutions. I also got THE perfect traveler's mug (becuase I surprisingly don't have one!)

It's a combo of all my favorite things! Photography, editing, and spring (very floral). I'm super happy with it, even if it's not exactly centered directly towards writing. But I'm not going to look at it like that. Want your own #EditingDay gear? Follow the #'s for the Amazon links below ! And yes, some of it actually IS geared SPECIFICALLY towards writing and not just for photography buffs. Since I happen to be both.... But like I said, find your own style today!

#AmazonEditingDayGear

I don't have much more to say. And I have to begin brainstorming for a short story I have to write by Wednesday for my workshop/writing class...and read the material for that day too...yeah, I need to get on that, so I'm signing off.

P.s.: It feels really, REALLY great to write on my blog again! 💖💻

(And on my new laptop too, lol).
Bye, now!

p.p.s:
because I suck at being productive, here's some strictly writing gear from Amazon.com! Click the hashtags below-

#AmazonWritingMugs
#AmazonAuthorMugs

NOW I'm ACTUALLY signing off. But only because now I have to sleep 🤣


please note: I am not responsible for anything else that is/may be shown on any of the above sites that could be taken offensively. There are some mugs that contain swearing, and some are just crude (i.e. showing the middle finger). Needless to say, please take caution while browsing these sites/Amazon.com; they don't always cater towards everyone. 

The Struggle Is Real/Fatigue

I want to write/ work on my novel so very badly. At the very least write something. So I decided to write this to see if it could get anything started...but I am so exhausted. And this isn't helping. In fact, I'm nearly falling asleep writing this. And each time I open up my novel I find myself staring at the current chapter in progress realizing the words look like they're written in some other language/gibberish. (I can attest it is not as I've worked n this stuff with a fully brain-fog-free mind and while well rested.) All I feel capable of doing is curling up in bed and binge watching stuff on Netflix and Hulu.

So that's my struggle for tonight.

What's yours?