It's been so long since I've been able to write...well, anything. Reading, writing, editing, it's all been on a painful hiatus completely out of my control and I swear it's because of an intense surgery I had 9+ months ago. Getting my creativity level back has been...well, it's like trying to shove a parked pickup truck up an icy hill while it's emergency brake is on. Meanwhile my health in other regards is declining and I'm not sure if it's all related to the surgery, or if it's because I have degenerative condition, or both. Still, I haven't given up completely. As of the last 7 or so months I started trying my hand at fanfiction for the first time ever hoping it'll get me inspired. And as of tonight, I've also started trying to go back to editing my abandoned "Shattered Lives" project. Would I rather be trudging through sludge? Maybe. Although it certainly feels like I already am.
When I try to get back to my creative roots that have been part of my identity since I was born, I feel like it's slipped away from me, and I just question...am I ever going to get it back or is this just life now? I honestly don't know, and I do hope it'll get better. I don't know what's happening or why this is happening, and I'm trying to tell myself it's just a temporary slipping point and I'll find my footing again. It's just hard when I feel like I'm still sliding down that icy mountain and the damn pickup truck is going to wind up crushing me, perhaps even before we get to the bottom.
The good news is that my family and I will be moving soon to a location with cleaner air, better views, and a stunning new [bigger] house with bigger windows, more windows, incredible views, and a bright interior we've essentially designed ourselves. Sure there's some things we'll be giving up in the move; our house now is so nice, and has the ideal layout for sure. But ultimately we all know this is for the best., especially since we'll be closer to a major hospital that I'm in desperate need of that'll hopefully give m answers as to why I've been feeling this way, and give me a new direction for how not to.
Well, that's about it for now. I just really wanted to return to my blog in hopes it would give me some inspiration. Spoiler alert, it didn't, but any excuse to write right now is one I'll gladly take when/if I can. And I also don't want you dedicated readers to lose faith in this blog because I know how useful and important its been to so many of you.
For those of you who are still with me, thank you. You're dedication & support mean everything to me 🤗🌷💘
BTW: for any one of you have been through this, I would love to hear your experience and how you pulled through. And for those of you who are currently going through something similar as me, please don't hesitate to reach out because you are not alone, and yet this experience can feel so very lonely. Trust me, I know. But remember: we are not ever alone.
