#Out

I have been unable to post for awhile now, and fair warning right now that I am going to be unable to post anything else for the time being. My health is on a nice spin-out (if that's even a phrase), and it's not looking to hopeful thus I'm more than likely going to be out of commission for a few.

Don't worry people, I am fine; I'm not dying— I certainly don't need any new organs or the like. I've 'just' been dealing with rotating painful migraines and fibrofog about every 3 hours; basically when I'm not in pain I'm unable think (or read, or write). And I don't have many clarity-filled moments except when I first wake up from sleeping or a nap, or after I finish eating...that's about it. Somehow my professor's are impressed that I've managed to stay on top of my work. But that's about all I can do, and even then I feel like I'm 100 yards behind all the other students, doing my work buried underground, breathing dirt, and blind.

Still, I've got to say I'd much rather be like this than how I was over the course of the last 3 months when one of my many doc's and I tried a new drug (new to me, not to the rest of the world). It was supposed to be in my system for 3 months and wear off on its own. I admit it worked alright on the account of I didn't have a single migraine or a fibrofog episode for that entire time...but there was the down fall of a 3 month bout of apathy and depression, which might have been seen on my sporadically tracked blog. I cared about nothing. I loved nothing. At least since the drug has worn off (as of the beginning of January) I care that I'm in pain. At least I am able to love the people around me even if I can't verbalize it. (Fibrofog renders me unable to communicate.)

Well, that's my update. I generally don't like to write about my health issues—I admit I like keeping them in the dark. But simultaneously there's something freeing about writing about this, about just being 'out' with it.

P.s.: I'm getting a weird sense of deja vu...did I write about something like this before?