Writing Descriptions Within Dialogue - A Word of Advice

When you're writing your way through the first draft of your manuscript, many times writers make the mistake of trying to write detailed descriptions as they go, bogging the  down writer down as they become far too focused on if the words sound good enough or if they've accurately described something, or if the picture has been painted vividly enough. My advice is this—don't worry about writing any descriptions the first time through unless you really know what you want to say. Instead it might be far more beneficial to go back through once you're done writing and then add in the details. When I'm writing my first draft, I almost never describe what the characters are doing nor will I incorporate scenery either while they're talking, which means much of my manuscript when it comes to dialogue will read like names floating in space. Here's an example I've taken straight out of my current work-in-progress novel, A Fire in the Wind (©2022):

Nathan looked at me. “You okay?”

“Just reeling,” I said.

“How could you not be?” Max said.

“It’s horrible,” Kim agreed. “Truly horrible. I hate that your mother did that to you. I am truly sorry, Emberly. I really am.”

Now here's what that same scene looks like after I was able to go back through my first chapter and edit it (keeping in mind this is still in rough draft form) –

Nathan studied me carefully and put his own fork down splattering ketchup upon the unclothed wood table. I wondered how much food the mossy center pieces were coated with on a daily basis. “You okay?”

I didn’t want to spill my most inner thoughts in front of people whom were essentially strangers to me, even if they were incredibly nice. Instead I decided to keep my answer short and simple. “Just reeling.”

“How could you not be?” Max asked kindly as the dining hall doors squeaked open and shut once again as if emphasizing his latter-most words.

“It’s horrible,” Kim agreed, her dark black eyes turning downwards as somber creases formed along her cheeks. “Truly horrible. I hate that your mother did that to you, and I hate what was done to you as a result. I am truly sorry, Emberly. I really am.”

The difference is remarkable, certainly, but if I had tried to incorporate all those details while writing through my first time, I would have gotten bogged down by the need to simultaneously write the dialogue I felt needed to happen and allowing myself to get so swept up in the details I know I'd neglect everything else as a result of over-focusing on making the scene perfect. I definitely have those moments where I go into the writing rabbit hole, the point where everything is flowing perfectly that both the descriptions and the dialogue (or even the general story) can be written simultaneously, but as this state isn't always possible for me to achieve, when it comes to dialogue I will often stick to the absolute basics before I do anything else so that I can continue to move forward in my story.

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All excerpts from A Fire in the Wind © 2020 by Sabrina S.K. Regan

Please do not copy or re-purpose without author permission